You read that right, they are possibly the lowest baseball IQ team in the history of major league baseball. Need proof? Well, can’t wait for this divisional match-up to start up again. LA Angels vs. the Seattle Mariners started as a baseball game, but a hockey game broke out.
If you needed more reasons to hate the Angels, than the usual divisional stuff, you now have it. The 2022 Angels are morons (won’t be my first reference to mental aptitude). You read that right, they are possibly the lowest baseball IQ team in the history of major league baseball. Need proof? I’ll supply it.
No one likes a fastball up-and-in. Do you know who really hates high pitches of any kind? Mike Trout. He has five hits on balls that are in the upper third of the strike zone or outside the strike zone high. None of those have resulted in home runs. Five hits on 440 pitches in the upper third of the strike zone or outside the strike zone, but in the upper half. That’s where you pitch him. When a fastball gets away from a pitcher, guess where it’s going to be? Up-and-in and look way more dramatic than it was intended.
Idiot Act #1: Trout taking it personally that Erik Swanson was throwing at him.
Idiot Act #2: The Angels thought there was intent when he was the tying run. It was the second pitch of the at-bat. Did the Mariners want to pitch to him? No. But hit him and put the winning run at the plate in Shohei Ohtani? Not wise. They put him on anyway intentionally and the Seattle Mariners won the game.
Idiot Act #3: Trout mouthing off to the media about the Mariners trying to intentionally hit him. Does this guy even know baseball? Sure he’s uber-talented, but does he pay attention to the game?
Then in a “Captain My Captain” moment, the Angels rally behind Trout’s ignorant remarks. Phil Nevin starts a reliever for the recently called-up Jose Suarez. The wheels of the bus were falling off and Nevin wanted to make sure they came all the way off. Enter Andrew Wantz, AKA the messenger.
Next: Page 2 – Stupid is as stupid does
Idiot Act #4: Andrew Wantz throws up and behind Julio Rodriguez’s head on his first pitch to Julio. The minion doing Trout and Nevin’s bidding did what he was asked to do. Should’ve been the end of the story. Full stop.
Idiot Act #5: First pitch of the second inning, hitting the mouthy Jesse Winker in the butt. This was the 6th time the Mariners had been hit in nine games. The Angels have only been hit once by the Mariners. One time, even in a world governed by unwritten rules, how is it not the Seattle Mariners’ turn to plunk the Angels, and instead the Angels behind their leaderless vessel took offense.
Idiot Act #6: Jesse seems to be having a conversation with Angles catcher Max Stassi, the umpire crew has set up a relay system of barriers to stop Winker in the event that things turn. But some idiot Angels player says something to Winker and now it’s “go time.” It was probably out-for-the-season Anthony Rendon. The barriers of umpires didn’t stop Winker.
Idiot Act #7: Rendon is anointed the leader of this weird geese migrating formation that heads towards Winker. The All-Star third baseman just had surgery on his right wrist, and he comes in and gives Winker a face-full of his left palm and shoves him literally against the rope (singular).
The Seattle Mariners weren’t without idiots either, but most of their efforts were being aggressive against the bully efforts of the Angels. For the sake of this article, we’ll call them hero moments.
Does anyone else find it funny that when the bullpens join, they run side-by-side and no one attacks the other bullpen and when they go back to the bullpen, they walk together? It’s got to be one of the weirdest things in pro sports.
Nest: Page 3 – And they say that a hero can save us
Hero Moment #1: JP Crawford throwing haymakers and jump punches to obviously clear some space for Winker to maneuver in.
Idiot Act #8: Angels coach throwing punches at Dylan Moore (he’d been hit by a pitch three times in nine games against the Angels). Also, it needs to be pointed out that Moore gets punched by the coach right after he pulled the coach off an M’s player. What did D-Mo do?
Hero Moment #2: Did you see the Matrix-like body blows that Winker (#25 when you watch the video) was throwing in the scrum?
Hero Moment #3: Taylor Trammell grabs Angel’s coach and drags him around the field away from the scrum. Not sure why? Some personal connection perhaps? But it was hilarious seeing these two dance around the scrum.
Hero Moment #3: Jesse Winker gets into Nevin’s face during the scrum. And presumably reading him the riot act on unwritten rules and intent.
Hero Moment #4: More for the brand of sunglasses that Julio wears than for Julio. It appears that they take some damage in the scrum.
Hero Moment #5: Scott Servais gets into the scrum, ends up in the pile, comes out of the pile with his shirt untucked, and misses his sunglasses.
Hero Moment #6: Justin Upton feels the ill-will train coming and jumps into the fracas for his Seattle Mariners teammates.
Next: Page 4 – Pizza sounds good
Idiot Act #9: Fighting starts again, this time, late to the scene Raisel Iglesias is the instigator.
Hero Moment #7: Winker finds Wantz and investigates the crime while Trammell holds back Noah Syndergaard. Trammell is a beast of a man. Syndergaard is nicknamed Thor, should Trammell be nicknamed Gor the god butcher after this?
Idiot Act #10: Angels fans for continuing to instigate the situation with their chants. Nice job idiots.
Hero Moment #8: Winker shows the Angels fans that not only can he count to one (one finger), but he can count to eleven using just two fingers. Okay, this was idiotic, no reason to do that, other than idiot Angels fans antagonizing a heated human.
Strategically speaking the Angels got exactly what they wanted. This should make you hate them even more. They managed to get the top three hitting Mariners out of the line-up in JP, Julio, and Jesse. They didn’t lose anyone, other than Iglesias, of significance. In fact, they lost three relievers, while the Mariners lost three impact players on offense and defense (Well two on defense, Winker is meh).
Hero Moment #9: @Sofieballgame on Twitter for ordering Jesse Winker a pizza and having it delivered to him at the ballpark and Winker actually getting the pizza and DMing @Sofieballgame. Seriously does it get any more heroic than that?
In the event that you needed more information to solidify why the Angels are idiots. Last weekend, Justin Upton was hit in the head by Michael Lorenzen, an Angel. Not a brushback. Actually hit. Trout is a(n) (insert your own word here).
Next: Page 5 – Don’t forget to tip
Did the Mariners retaliate? No. Mike Trout had four consecutive games against the Mariners where he hit at least one home run. Why would the Mariners wait until the bottom of the ninth inning to intentionally throw at Trout? A game the Mariners are winning and putting Trout on base puts the tying run on with Ohtani coming to the plate. Why would they throw at Trout then? They didn’t. The whole retaliation thing is something that Trout concocted, and the idiot Angels went along for the ride. Mariner’s fans hate the Astros for cheating, but this might be the tipping point for Mariners/Angels relations for a long-time. The Angels for the idiotic player and coaching leadership and the Mariners for heroically defending their players against the idiocy of the Angels.
But wait… there’s more. Just like you thought this article was concluding, everyone thought the fight had concluded when entered;
Idiot Act #11: Raisel Iglesias throws the entire container of sunflower seeds onto the field. Why?
Idiot Act #12: He runs out like a bulldog with a chain on and hustles towards home plate, only to be stopped by some invisible fence, barking at the Mariners. Either go for it or go, home idiot. Why did you stop halfway there?
Idiot Act #13: The Angels’ closer, has to be restrained by his teammates and he actually appears to be fighting them.
Idiot Act #14: Iglesias destroys the dugout, his own team’s dugout. Why? What purpose does that serve?
Idiot Act #15: Iglesias throws a box of gum onto the field and has to be restrained by his teammates again.
Mark your calendars, the Angels come to Seattle August 5th-7th to play four games, if they haven’t already, both the 7:10 PT games Friday and Saturday should be Fireworks games.
Joe Swenson is a United States Marine Corps Veteran, lifelong baseball enthusiast, award-winning international playwright, author, and sports writer.