NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Seattle Seahawks.
It’s been quite the start to the offseason for Roger Goodell and the NFL. If it seems like there’s a new scandal every week well…it’s actually more like two a week. Somehow one of the league’s brightest young coaches suing Rog and a few franchises due to institutional racism isn’t even in the top 3 of current headaches for Goodell. Have no fear though fans, the Ken doll who came to life that Goodell is…he’s already on the case to fix everything.
The first move is to send out some press releases that show how wildly clueless he is. Much like the Queen of Hearts, Goodell and the owners demands verdicts first then the trial. How else do you explain issuing a statement denying Flores’s allegations before ever investigating them? We’ve also discovered he makes sure his bosses decide what information is released. Not to mention when he can look into to look into possible malfeasance. Letting Dan Snyder investigate himself, and have the right to keep the results under wraps? Masterful.
Like our old friend Billy Mays used to say… but wait there’s more! Once Dan Snyder’s Weinstein hommage was too putrid to ignore he brought in an outside investigator but insisted she deliver her findings orally with no written report. Clearly, there was nothing to hide here. First he made sure Snyder was ok with being fined. Then he forced him to cede control of the franchise to…his wife. I’m sure they don’t discuss the team at all.
Avoiding a paper trail leads us to the Jon Gruden debacle. Gruden is currently suing the NFL, and his case is essentially the following: The NFL hid everything in the Snyder investigation, clearly someone had an issue with me and released my racist emails. While he’s not wrong it’s not a particularly strong legal argument, but maybe he’ll dazzle the jury with some “Spider-x-Banna ” gibberish. Any coach who wears a visor is probably a terrible person anyway, and Gruden obviously had to go.
After those feel-good stories, we heard this week about peeping in Jerry World. America’s team paid out 2.4 million to their cheerleading squad after the team’s Vice President of Public Relations “allegedly” entered their locker room through a back door and recorded video of them changing while he hid behind a wall. This was not a scene from Porky’s or American Pie. But does offer proof that the Dallas franchise is a bad 80’s comedy. The executive claimed he accidentally walked into the locker room (using a key card) and left right away.
Jones swears the team did an immediate investigation and found no wrongdoing and allowed the executive to remain in his role. He then gave every cheerleader 400k because there was no wrongdoing. Makes sense to me. Apparently the “I know him, he wouldn’t do that” defense still holds sway. When a few intrepid reporters asked Goodell if the NFL would be investigating the incident since it became public he basically responded with ‘Ummm no…Jerry said it didn’t happen and that’s good enough for me.’ How ‘Bout them, Cowboys??!!
Finally, you have the Flores situation. Brian Flores got canned after he turned around the Miami franchise. If he was going, he decided to go down swinging. After Bill Belichick once again demonstrated that nobody approaching 70 can be trusted with technology, he had his ammunition. He went and interviewed for a job that he already knew he wouldn’t get. And afterward let the world know about it. Then he claimed Dolphins owner Stephen Ross tried to pay him to lose.
Flores says he has evidence to back the claim but hasn’t provided it to the public yet. Hue Jackson tried to jump in and help by claiming the same thing happened to him in Cleveland. Unfortunately for Hue, his attempt to prove Jimmy Haslam did the same to him became a fiasco that rivaled his coaching career. Poor Hue can’t seem to do anything right. I tend to believe Flores, as this week he stated he passed on money by refusing to sign an NDA when he was fired. Ross denied it, but when Flores’s attorney released pages of the document Ross shifted his position to “No Nooooo I just meant I never talked to him about it.
Godell initiated a second investigation into Snyder, after congress got involved and unearthed more of Danny being Danny. Initially, Snyder tried to start his own investigation a second time. Godell however, stated, “I don’t see how a team can do its own investigation into itself.” Which based on prior examples of teams doing exactly that seemed like a bold statement to make. Also, the owners employ Rog. So if the league is running the investigation… you do the math.
The league is also “investigating” Flores’s claims that he was offered bonuses to lose. The owners don’t seem to care about much, but you’d think the integrity of the sport would be a red line. Maybe even more importantly the league has started to embrace sports betting.
Class action suits by fans who bet on games involving the Dolphins wouldn’t please the NFL’s partners in that world. When there’s a strong possibility Vegas and the sports betting sites are more concerned about a level playing field than the league itself you’re officially through the looking glass.
There’s a movie from about 30 years ago called The Last Boy Scout. When it came out the premise of a blackballed QB and a private detective stopping an owner from having a Senator assassinated at an NFL game seemed insane. Well, we have gambling, congressional investigations, and rumors of teams intentionally losing.
I’m left waiting for Colin Kaepernick to come thundering onto the field on horseback at a commander’s game and hurling a football towards the owner’s box to stop a bullet. Don’t worry though fans, Roger Goodell will be there to ensure there’s a thorough investigation.